When I was in college, a guy asked me to be his girlfriend. I said no. His response was to attempt to ruin my reputation on campus. I can’t count how many people came up to me and asked, “Is it true that you had sex with …………….. He said you ………….” For most people, it was tea. For me, it was trauma. Before I knew it, new rumors joined the fray and I was fending off unwanted attention which, at its worst, resulted in me being kidnapped.

As horrifying as that experience was, what was most upsetting for me was that some people chose to believe the rumors and treat me accordingly. I remember condescending attitudes and passive-aggressive comments. Mostly, I remember that there was nothing I could say to certain people to change their mind about me and what really happened. I learned the hard way that people will hold their opinion in higher esteem than a search for the truth.

Our opinions are not benign; they have consequences. And if you’re a young woman minding your own business in this world and are attacked by an onslaught of accusations, it is going to cause mental and emotional distress, if not lead to physical or sexual harm. But because the sticks and stones mentality persists, we’re taught to pretend that nothing affects us. Consequently, people don’t see the impact that rumors can have on someone’s life. “Harmless” gossip cannot provide the space for you to speak of others without causing harm.

While my situation was extreme, I see how young women are still having to deal with the effects of other’s words and opinions. For instance, not since the dating life of Taylor Swift in her early 20’s, have I heard so many people recklessly opine about someone as they currently do about Lori Harvey. No matter how well people think they know her because of who she dates or what she posts, the negative comments are conjecture.

And here’s why this is important to talk about this Black History Month. You cannot claim to uplift the culture while simultaneously denigrating a member of it. Your respect for the culture is capped at your level of respect for its individuals. Don’t play around with this. If you believe it’s important to celebrate Black History Month, one of the many ways you can do that on a daily basis is to keep Lori Harvey’s name out of your mouth. Ase.

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I remember January 20, 2009 like it was yesterday.  I was at work and we were all crowded around the TV to watch Obama being sworn in.  I had missed the memo that he was swearing in on Lincoln’s Bible until moments before it was happening.  Watching Obama put his hand on Lincoln’s Bible was the socio-political experience I didn’t know I needed.  I needed to witness that particular demonstration.  I needed to see that black man being ushered into the very same position as the president who freed the slaves.  Obama’s hand.  Lincoln’s hand.  The same Bible. I cried.

Most of my co-workers were dry-eyed.  One of my co-workers looked shocked by my tears. I was wondering why everyone wasn’t moved in the same way.  You didn’t have to be a Democrat to recognize that that moment was like nothing else we’ve ever seen in the Presidency. Bueller?  Bueller? 

Is the thought that we can all be united if just for a moment too idealistic?  I understand that our bitter partisanship has divided us like nobody’s business.  Not much has changed in the years since Obama’s first inauguration.  But I would like to know if we are free enough to be moved by anything that lies outside our own purview.  If so, please share with me what moves you.

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